Our Names: Hidden Keys to Our Identity and Destiny
Your name matters more than you think. Let's decode it.
Have you ever wondered where your name came from?
Our names are more than just labels; they define our identity and contain our families' dreams, aspirations, and unconscious desires.
Let’s examine names from different angles to decipher all the information they can provide, unveiling their power through a psychogenealogical perspective.
1. The significance of names
Nothing and no one can exist without a name. We begin to exist within society when we are given a name.
At the moment of our birth, we are still just an anonymous body. Only when we are given a name can we begin to exist officially. This is why we see our name as one of the most essential aspects of our identity.
Traditionally, stillborn babies were not given names.
Choosing a baby’s name is a huge responsibility. As Albert Camus said (in another context, but it also applies here):
“To call things by incorrect names is to add to the world’s misery”.
Just replace “things” with “children,” and you get the idea.
Naming is an act of power and a means of control.
This is exemplified by enslaved people being stripped of their original names and being given common names and no last names by their owners, thus robbing them of a sense of family lineage and individual identity.
After the abolition of slavery in the United States, formerly enslaved people adopted surnames. Some chose the surnames of their former owners, while others created new names or adopted names from their community. This name adoption was a significant step in reclaiming personal identity and freedom.
To name a few, Frederick Douglass and Sojourner Truth chose new names after escaping slavery.
Douglass was born Frederick Augustus Washington Bailey. He adopted the surname Douglass after a friend suggested it to him, inspired by his reading of Walter Scott's narrative poem "The Lady of the Lake," in which two of the main characters are named Douglas. With this new name linked to literary success, he emerged as one of the greatest orators ever.
Sojourner Truth, originally Isabella Baumfree, renamed herself in 1843 to reflect her spiritual journey and commitment to preaching the truth about abolition.
Their new names marked their transformation from enslaved individuals to influential figures in the fight for civil rights.
Our name, whether we like it or not, is part of our identity and defines who we are. We may not realize it, but it imprints on us, marking us with the seal of our family history and unconscious memory passed on through generations.
"Therefore, to give a name means to give power, to invest with a definite personality or soul. Hence the old custom of giving children the names of saints."
- ~Carl G. Jung, Collected Works 5
2. First names: what could they be hiding?
We’ve heard our name repeated like a mantra long before we could understand the meaning of words. Whenever it was spoken, it conveyed what the family’s unconscious had embedded in it.
Whoever chose our first name had reasons, conscious and unconscious, and we should try to understand them.
Here are some key questions to consider:
Who chose my name, and did both parents agree with this choice?
What does my name mean? Look for its etymology1. For example, Frances or Francis, meaning French, could indicate an origin or relationship to France.
If it's a saint's name, what's the saint's feast day? This date may be significant in your family's history. The saint’s history may also relate to a situation or event central to your family's history.
Does it come from a famous person or fictional character’s name, or is it influenced by history (e.g., Elizabeth for someone born around 1953, the year Queen Elizabeth II was crowned)? Then we must pay attention to their destiny as it resonates with our own and corresponds to the life our parents dreamed for us.
Has it been given before? To whom? Investigate this person’s life to understand the return of their name in the family tree.
Does it include or refer to other names already present in your family? Some examples are Eric and Frederick and Ada and Adam. Albert might be a combination of Alan and Robert.
Other aspects to consider regarding first names:
Our middle names are also important, even if they are not used often, because they convey the conscious and unconscious desires of the person who chose them.
An androgynous name like Logan, Dylan, or Parker can be confusing. It might indicate that our parents wanted a child of the opposite sex, as a unisex name creates the illusion that we could belong to the desired opposite sex.
Nicknames are significant too and can sometimes be sexualizing or derogatory. It is interesting to note who is giving you what kind of nickname.
If our first name is the same as a key figure in our parents' lives (e.g., a friend, lover, godfather or godmother, someone who has succeeded or is seen as a role model), we should try to learn more about this person and the role they played in our parents' lives.
For example, Hillary Clinton's first name comes from her parents' admiration for New Zealand mountaineer Sir Edmund Hillary, and it's fair to say that she rose to the top, perhaps even exceeding the hopes her parents had placed in her.
What happens when a child is given the name of one of his parent’s previous lovers?
In most cases, no one but the parent knows, and this secret will weigh heavily on the child's love life as an adult. For example, a mother may give her son the name of a former lover she regrets while her son's father is her new partner. There will be confusion between the lover and the son. When she says this name, who is she calling, her son or her lover? Since they have the same name, it will be difficult to tell them apart. How can this man lead a fulfilling love life when he has been set up from the beginning as his mother's idealized lover?
First names may also influence a choice of partner. For example, a man may choose a woman whose first name is close to that of his mother, grandmother, or sister.
To sum it up, we should do our best to discover the meaning of our first name, why it was chosen, and by whom. We also need to know whether it already exists in our family tree.
3. Surnames, our social identity, and our connection to family history
Surnames connect us to our family lineage. They carry the weight of family history, with its struggles and successes. It is important to know their origin, meaning, and history.
During the Middle Ages, surnames often derived from occupations (e.g., Smith, Baker), locations (e.g., Hill, Brook), or personal characteristics (e.g., Strong, Wise). These surnames helped distinguish individuals within growing communities.
The Renaissance saw the standardization of surnames, which became essential for legal and administrative purposes as societies grew more complex. The names remained even if their meanings no longer corresponded to the bearer.
Since they are essential to our identity, various strategies can be adopted over generations to either retain a surname and pass it down or to let it go.
Indeed, a surname reflects a family’s success or failure, and carrying it can be seen as an honor or a disgrace. Therefore, when women adopt a new name through marriage, it can serve as a way to replace a tarnished name with a more positive one.
This way, some names endure over time, while others disappear from the family tree, which their history can sometimes explain. For example, some of Hitler's descendants made a pact to end their line and never married or had children2.
On the contrary, the attachment to the name may become prevalent when the family has transmitted nothing else on which to rely. Without the legacy of love, trust, money, and an intellectual basis, the family name can become the only thing that matters.
To what extent does the meaning of our surname influence us?
An interesting research at the Dublin University Hospital tried to answer this question. Irish doctors wanted to see if the surname could influence health. They observed whether people with the surname Brady suffered more from a cardiac disorder, bradycardia, characterized by a slightly too-low heart rate. The result was that they found a figure twice as high as in the general population. 1.38% of people named Brady underwent heart surgery, while it only affected 0.61% of people with a different surname.3
Surnames and preferences in partner choice:
Our surname may influence romantic choices, as we may choose a spouse whose last name resembles ours or our ancestors. This often concerns the initial syllable. For example, my name is Mrs. Morales, and my spouse's name is Mr. Morris. Or, with the final syllable, my name is Mr. Campbell, and my spouse's name is Miss Mitchell. This kind of marriage is based on a resemblance, which may also be a limitation.
When examining your family tree, you may notice instances where couples have unconsciously formed due to the similarity of their names. Initial letters are also significant. In some cases, spouses may share the same initials.
Conversely, a man with a short last name might pursue a relationship with a woman whose surname contains three or four syllables. The spouse's last name may also be related by its meaning to a key event in their life, as similar and/or phonetically similar words are equivalent for the unconscious.
One of the most famous examples of the repetition of surnames in a family is Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s marriage to his fifth cousin and President Theodore Roosevelt's niece, Eleanor Roosevelt. Since Eleanor's father was deceased, Theodore, president at the time, gave the bride away. When asked what he thought of the Roosevelt-Roosevelt union, the president said, "It's a good thing to keep the name in the family." However, that may not be the perfect recipe for a happy marriage.
Restricting the choice of partners to a limited circle reduces life's possibilities while giving the illusion of preserving family assets and privilege. Inbreeding can be a disastrous consequence of these restrictions, ultimately ending the family line.
Generally speaking, the accumulation of identical elements is detrimental to life; it offers nothing new and merely reproduces an existing situation. In other words, having an excess of identical ingredients reduces life's ability to grow and diversify, resulting in sterile repetition. The more similarities, the greater the risk.
4. The Uniqueness of Names
While our last name connects us to our family group, our first name should emphasize our singularity. Combining these two elements should create a new name asserting our uniqueness.
In past generations, it was common to pass on one's name to one's children, who were expected to carry on family traditions. This is no longer the case. Today, society values and encourages individualization, and there seems to be no limit to innovation regarding first names. For example, Elon Musk named two of his children X Æ A-Xii and Exa Dark Sideræl. At least, they can be pretty sure they'll never run into a namesake! Unless, of course, this is the start of a new trend.
Is your name unique?
Imagine your full name already exists in your family. In this case, we seem programmed to identify with an ancestor, whether to replicate his success, offer him a new chance after an untimely death, repair an injustice he suffered, or strengthen a family bond.
We are then assigned a mission by the family’s unconscious to prolong their life, with the risk of seeing our name written on a grave while we are still alive. This can come as a shock and induce psychological problems, including a fear of dying at the same age or from the same cause as the ancestor we were named after.
This is also the case when a child is given the name of a brother or sister who died before they were born (replacement child). Vincent Van Gogh and Salvador Dali illustrate this.
Dutch Post-Impressionist painter Vincent Van Gogh was born on March 30, 1853, exactly one year after the death of his older brother, who was stillborn and also named Vincent. His stillborn brother was buried at the cemetery beside his village's church, and young Vincent would see the grave bearing his name every Sunday when his family went to church. He also spent all his birthdays in the cemetery, accompanied by his mother, who could never complete her mourning process. Throughout his life, he would periodically visit the grave.
Vincent Van Gogh, the sixth Vincent in his family line, struggled with being a replacement child and did everything he could to assert his individuality and be recognized for who he was. Nevertheless, he died tragically at 37, leaving behind his magnificent paintings, outlets, and a testimony to his suffering and his ability to transform it through creativity.
Spanish surrealist artist Salvador Dali, born on May 11, 1904, was also a replacement child as his older brother, who had also been named Salvador, had died nine months earlier.
Dali was haunted by the idea of his dead brother throughout his life, mythologizing him in his writings and art. Dali said of him, "[we] resembled each other like two drops of water, but we had different reflections." He "was probably the first version of myself but conceived too much in the absolute". Images of his brother would reappear in his later works, including Portrait of My Dead Brother (1963).
There are different ways to repeat a name:
The original name may be slightly modified. For instance, John can become Johnny or Johan, which share the same origin, or Laura can turn into Lawrence or Laurel, all derived from the Latin word "laurel."
The repetition of a name may also be hidden into anagrams (letters rearranged) like Alex and Axel, for example, or names with common syllables (Anabel and Bella)
A name can hide other names. For example: Anabel = Ana + Isabel
Names may also be chosen unconsciously to bring siblings closer. For example, Erik can be Frederik’s half-brother. Since their last names do not connect them, their first names bring them closer together.
When names keep repeating, it is crucial to understand why and to learn as much as possible about the ancestor you were named after to avoid reliving their life.
If a name has been repeatedly given through different generations, we should look closely at the first person bearing it. They may have been prominent successful figures, opening an era of upward mobility for the family. In this case, repeating the name aims at continuing the family’s good fortune. But it may prevent the new generations from treading their own path, forcing them instead to repeat what has already been done.
Usually, the main reasons for the repetition of names in a family are:
A higher status that the descendants hope to maintain through the repetition of the name.
An untimely death.
A secret held by the ancestor.
Inquiring about the lives of these ancestors is essential so as not to remain under their influence. We must learn as much as possible about the person we share a name with because it implies such a strong bond. Knowing their story is key to breaking out of an unconscious identification process that could hinder our personal development.
Each of us is unique. No two people on Earth share the same fingerprints or DNA. Isn’t that impressive? However, our genealogical backgrounds sometimes interfere with this uniqueness, leading to various challenges. The aim of psychogenealogy is to address and resolve these issues.
Here are some practical tips to help you get started on your journey:
Make a list of the first names in your family, noting those that are repeated and those that include or refer to other names in your genealogy. Research their etymology and meaning (see link below).
Make a list of all the surnames in your family. Note their similarities or how they complement each other through marriage. Then, look at their meaning and etymology.
Observe how family members relate to each other by repeating names, and try to understand the meaning of these repetitions by researching their life stories.
If you don’t like your name, change it or use a pseudonym. Changing your name is legally possible in most countries. If it isn’t feasible or you don’t want to go that far but don’t feel good with your name, try using a pseudonym. This can be a way to distance yourself from a genealogically loaded name that doesn’t correspond to what you want to accomplish.
Your name holds a key: understanding its meaning, history, and hidden messages can help you take control of your story and unlock your true potential.
What does your name reveal about you? Which part of this resonates most with you? Share your thoughts!
From Elizabeth Horowitz, “Mon corps généalogique”, Guiy Tredaniel, 2025.
As you may be aware, in Jewish families babies are named for loved ones who are no longer with us-- this may sometimes be simply the same initial. This has advantages and disadvantages for genealogists.
Some fascinating insights into the history of names.